3 Twitter-Friendly Horror Jokes To Steal & Tell Your Friends

TWITTER IS THE NEW JOKE BOOK

Horror jokes used to be bound to those cheesy joke books you’d get from your school’s Scholastic Book Fair. Now, Twitter is the place for terrible jokes and I sure use my Twitter account as a comedy garbage can.

Do all of the jokes work? Definitely not.

With all of the internet’s information flying by at a million miles per hour, people will be complaining about politics 30 seconds after your joke falls flat and 15 seconds later, someone somewhere will have outraged a minority. People thinking you’re a comedy genius is the least of the world’s problems, so don’t sweat it.

I’ve kept all of the horror jokes below the 140 Twitter character limit and as much as it pains me… I’ve explained why the joke is funny. If you have to read that part, either the joke and/or your education have fallen flat.

Do what you want with these jokes… steal them, claim them as your own, tell them to your friends or yell at me for not being funny.

FINALLY… THE HORROR JOKES

After all the recent cash-in horror remakes, I’ve been thinking about the execution of the directors. It’s a good idea… bring out the rope.

This joke is all about the double entendre. Taking a word that has multiple meanings and spinning the result on its head. We start by luring the listener in, thinking that we are complaining about the execution of the movie direction. We then flip it around and reveal that we were, in fact talking about executing the directors.

Is Freddy Kruger’s favourite band REM?

I guess we’re in the realm of the double entendre again. Freddy obviously haunts the dreams of the unsuspecting children of vigilante parents. We dream when we are in the REM cycle of sleep. Put two and two together and we have wordsmith beauty.

Scooby-Doo is now officially the oldest cartoon ever… I know it didn’t start until 1969, but in dog years that’s 201 years old.

I know Scooby-Doo is not the edgiest of horror works, but I still have a soft spot for Mystery Incorporated. We’re flipping things around again and ignoring the dawn of animation with Gertie the Dinosaur & Fantasmagorie – swapping people years for dog years.

If you want to steal and keep up-to-date with my latest quasi-witty horror jokes, add me on Twitter @AceConnell.